


tired

by orphan_account



Category: Original Work
Genre: how wonderful my life is ig, i dont expect anyone to read this but uh, im just tired, not proofread or beta'd its terrible i know, so im venting on fucking ao3, uhhhh trigger warning for like depression and stuff, vent - Freeform, yeah - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-18
Updated: 2020-10-18
Packaged: 2021-03-09 01:34:24
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 334
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27076564
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: uhhhh yeah whyd u read this its terrible. but um thank you i guess if youve stuck around this long. im just throwing my trauma out on the internet hUH-- i mean comment if u want it makes no difference to me





	tired

let’s be realistic, its incredibly easy to die. there are probably about 20 different things i could kill myself with right now. y’know what they say, ‘dying is easy, living is harder’. But how do you classify something so different for every person and what’s truly the difference between being alive and living? 

living for me was the feeling of the sun on my skin. the wind in my hair when im running or skating. the way music makes me feel. the way my lungs hurt when i laugh at a joke my friends make. the feeling of trying a new drink at my favorite coffee shop. the warm taste of fresh food in my mouth. 

but that’s living. I haven’t lived, not truly in a long time.

i haven’t felt the sun on my bones in a long time. i’m too tired to go on runs anymore. music is just the same songs on repeat. i can’t stand the adding of unfamiliar noise to the already to loud buzz of life around me. i don't talk to my friends anymore, even if i did i don't think i could laugh like that anymore. i stopped drinking coffee, something my doctor told me to do. something she said about easing my anxiety. it hasn’t worked. i can barely eat anymore. i’m not starving myself, not anymore. i’m just too tired to bother.

so i’m alive. that’s all i’ve had for a long time. but sometimes i think about dying. late at night, when no one can see my tears. i’d like to think it’d be peaceful, quick, and easy. it probably would be. maybe i’d finally get to rest. without dreams. without nightmares. without waking up crying.

but i can’t yet, can i?

no. to many people still need me.

i don't know if ill ever actually live again. it scares me sometimes. but usually im to tired to think about the future. so ill be here. alive, but tired. so very fucking tired.

**Author's Note:**

> uhhhh yeah whyd u read this its terrible. but um thank you i guess if youve stuck around this long. im just throwing my trauma out on the internet hUH-- i mean comment if u want it makes no difference to me


End file.
